Updated: Jan 16
Christmas is my least favorite holiday. My favorite is Halloween because magic is celebrated in the darkness. Christmas spirit seems to suppress the darkness that is quite literally presented to us in Mother Nature. Halloween embraces the darkness that is not yet present. Christmas neglects and denies the darkness around us. Even so in other traditions, only light was celebrated in the winter: Diwali, Advent, Hanukah, Kwanza, Yule, Winter Solstice.
The pressure is everywhere. In a time where the world is seeking light through the holidays, my inner being feels betrayed. I reflect the darkness permeating the sky, the long nights and cold darkness. The joy and happiness that surrounds me bring me nothing but melancholy feelings followed by dread. I want to take part in the bigger communion. For just this once I seek deeply to follow the ways of the world. I want to celebrate but each day passes with just one more dose of suffering and one more day lost to poignant normalcy.
Where can I find joy?
When my mind cognitively experiences the joy of life, I am reminded of its fleeting. It will not last. In a few minutes, hours, days, weeks, all will be lost. My mind tells me I have no option but to be content with just the memories. I know God is there though. God exists in the darkness too. Sometimes we can only find God again in the midst of our suffering.
This year instead of seeing Jesus being born, let us see God coming down.
As a baby, God became our God of weakness.
In a manger, our God was the God of misplacement.
Knowing the fate of the son, our God found sorrows.
I pray this omnipotent God grants us hope, peace, joy, and love.
But I also pray the same omnipresent God is with us in the hopelessness, restlessness, sadness, and indifference.
May Christmas not only be a celebration of happiness, but also helplessness. In each situation let us make our world of Christ-less into a world of Christ-ness, of justice.